Freelancer’s Union, they welcome pre-existing conditions, like if your wife is pregnant, or if you have some wacky disease.
Well, unfortunately for me, I haven’t made a fortune freelancing so I never signed up for their dental plan. Instead, I took a chance with my teeth to save some money. Why pay $50 a month, when I might not have a cavity all year? Or a good ol’ fashioned root canal? But if I happened to get a gummy bear stuck in between a molar, then I’d be in sticky situation, an expensive one.
So let’s talk about the tooth-attacking evil monsters in the illustration above: Some of you might remember these hardened, sugary maniacs, known as the Cavity Creeps. They were created for an ad campaign for Crest toothpaste, back in the day. Basically, the Cavity Creeps represented the sugary junk that attacks your shiny happy molars, and by using Crest—you can defeat them
Well, I'm still a freelance writer, and I haven’t been to the dentist in 3 1/2 years. I've been pushing it off and pushing it off, until I found a good full time job that would pay for whatever dental work would need to be done. But that wasn't happening anytime soon, and my teeth have really started to hurt lately, so I made an appointment with Dr. Schloss—charged it—and I just got back one hour ago.
I dreaded going upstairs, the painful ice-pick cleaning that awaited. I cut see the blood and dead skin dancing around in the sink after I rinsed my mouth out. But I really feared having cavities—I've had all kinds of health problems—but there is nothing worse than the smell of burnt teeth.
Miraculously, I didn't have any cavities! Hooray. The dentist was amazed. After 3 1/2 years of drinking coffee, eating cookies, and guzzling gallons of Gatorade, I walked away without having to come back and sit in their electric chair, having to undergo modern Nazi teeth torture.
Well, you might wonder, how I managed to walk away Cavity Creep-free? Because I took the advice of the dental hygienist that I had 3 1/2 years ago. She said, "Off the record, make sure you floss and rinse with Listerine, the fire-breathing kind, and you should be okay." It turned out I had the same dental hygienist today. I said "Thanks for the advice,” after she jabbed at my bleeding gums, and I was on my way”
I’m currently sitting @ RBC downtown on Worth street. I’m on my second double espresso, and only a few crumbs remain on the table from the giant double-chocolate—extra sugary—chip cookie that I just ate.
Remember friends, occasionally floss and Listerine.